


what is it like to be you?

by clickofthecollar



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Deep talk, F/F, Fluff, i'm super rusty pls forgive me, sorta but i didn't completely nail it, thasmin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-29
Updated: 2018-11-29
Packaged: 2019-09-02 05:07:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16780201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clickofthecollar/pseuds/clickofthecollar
Summary: People had been wondering for all of time, what must it be like to be the Doctor? What the Doctor hadn't told anyone was that they were wondering the same. She finally got to find out.(set after The Witchfinders)





	what is it like to be you?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [timelxdy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/timelxdy/gifts).



“Right then!” said the Doctor, giving the hourglass attached to the console a spin. “You lot must be exhausted. Hunting witches will do that to you. Bed time.”

“Alright,  _ mum _ ,” countered Ryan with a grin. The Doctor just grinned. She didn’t laugh or giggle, she just grinned. That was when Yaz knew it was still getting to her.

After travelling with her for so long, Yaz couldn’t help but think that she knew the Doctor. While there might have been so much that was undeniably “alien” about her, like with the whole two hearts thing and her sometimes erratic customs, the Doctor was an open book when it came to her emotions. She laughed and cried and gasped and shouted, usually all in quick succession. And when things got to her, _really_ got to her, she shut herself off. Not entirely, just enough. And that was what she was doing right now.

“Well,” intercut Graham’s voice, blinking Yaz out of a daze. Had she been gazing at the Doctor all this time? “I could do with a hot chocolate. Kitchen, Ryan?” Without another word, he hurried over to Ryan and helped him out of the console room before Ryan even had a chance to think about what was going on.

The Doctor grinned again as she watched them, the grin slipping from her face when they were gone. Then she turned and realised with a start that Yaz was still there. That grin came back like she’d flicked a switch, fidgeting awkwardly with her hands. “Sorry, thought you’d gone already.”

Yaz knew that the Doctor knew that she saw. But that was okay. She shrugged, smiling. “Sorry, still hanging around. Not really that tired. You must be, though.”

“Me? Nah.” She fiddled with something on the console, her gaze following her fingers. “Takes a lot to tire me out.”

“And that wasn’t a lot?” Yaz leaned against one of the pillars, torn between giving her some space and going over to comfort her. “All the persecution of the 17th century _and_ being drowned as a witch.”

“Yeah, suppose it was.” The Doctor decides she can’t reasonably fiddle with the switches for any longer and turns around to face Yaz, a more sober expression on her face.

There’s a moment of silence between them. “Do you wanna talk about it?” Yaz prompts gently. She pushes herself off the pillar and steps towards her. It’s no time at all before she’s leaning on the console besides her.

“Y’know,” The Doctor begins, bringing her star-filled eyes up to look at Yaz. “This is all still so new to me. Getting used to the anatomy’s nothing like getting used to _life_.”

Yaz tilts her head, listening. She’s been told she’s a good listener, and it helps that there’s so much more she wants to learn about this woman. When it comes to how much about the Doctor’s life that she knew, she was still an enigma in that regard. “You’re doing a pretty good job in my opinion.”

“Can you believe I’d lived for over 2000 years and never once been a woman?” That makes her chuckle. Yaz just gives her a confused smile. At least it’s good to see the Doctor genuinely happy again. “I thought I knew how hard it was. And I did, I did know. I knew the _facts_ of what it was like for women. I knew all of the awful things that had happened and how there was still an injustice, even in the 21st century. But knowing it isn’t the same as experiencing it.”

She hadn’t even realised she was doing it, but Yaz had reached out a hand to where the Doctor’s rested on the console. They both looked down at the contact, Yaz instantly feeling like a fool for even taking it. But then the Time Lady’s hand turned over to take Yaz’s, squeezing softly.

_Is there anything about this woman that isn’t perfect?_ , Yaz thought idly, her thumb brushing over the Doctor’s. Her skin was so soft, her touch so gentle. It was so comforting that the feeling of stupidity vanished, and instead she just felt... close to her. 

“I still can’t believe you got out of there alright,” Yaz said. Her gaze was still on their hands until the Doctor ducked her head, bringing her attention back to those eyes. Those gorgeous, deep eyes. She’s seen so much, so many things, and she’s still learning things she never knew.

“Ah, getting out of chains, that I _have_ done before.” She grins, and it’s like Yaz’s whole soul is alight with warmth again. She felt like she knew this look better than any other - the way her nose scrunched, her eyes crinkled, her shoulders raised. And the way her lips turned up absolutely perfectly.

The Doctor must have noticed where her eyes had fallen, because she’d been watching her the whole time, but she was still grinning. She just lifted Yaz’s hand up, taking it in both of hers. “But really, Yasmin Khan. I think you’re amazing. Battling monsters and aliens is nothing compared to what you’ve been through, and you’re still here. Carrying on.”

Yaz couldn’t help but smile, it was infectious. She was positive she could _feel_ her heart beating in her chest. “Well, it helps when you have someone around who knows what they’re doing.” The Doctor frowned, looking around, earning another giggle from Yaz. “I mean you, obviously.”

“Still not convinced I know what I’m doing.” She drew a little pattern with the tip of her finger on the back of Yaz’s hand.

“Well… You were right. About what you said earlier. It is tough. But I’m able to get through it because of the good moments. The good people in my life.” Her gaze flitted over the Doctor’s lips again and back up to her eyes.

“I think I finally understand that. Really, properly, understand.” And then, Yaz could hardly believe it, the Doctor leaned in and pressed her lips to Yaz’s.

Her heart had moved up from beating to absolutely pounding in her ears, but she couldn’t focus on that. She couldn’t even quite focus on anything other than how soft her lips were, how amazing it finally felt after so long of just imagining this moment. It all came so naturally, the way they leaned into each other’s touch, their bodies moving in closer.

For as long as the kiss seemed to last, it was over all too quickly. But as Yaz opened her eyes, and saw through her lashes that grin, she couldn’t help but grin herself.

“ _Brilliant._ ”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for making it this far! <3 Huge huge huuuuuuuuge thank you to a certain "timelxdy" for motivating me to write this!! ;)


End file.
